Eviction noticeNovember 4, 2011 at 6:52 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment
So I’m reading this book by Joyce Meyer called “Battlefield of the Mind”. It’s all about how by changing and concentrating on your thought patterns you can have a better, happier life. Which if you think about it, makes sense, if you’re always thinking bad thoughts, angry thoughts, or telling yourself how bad you are at stuff, you’re not going to be a smiley happy person a lot of the time. So I’m trying this and you know what, it’s been working, I had one of the best weeks of my life last week, I enjoyed my work, I enjoyed being home, I just generally enjoyed being me. However, there’s another side to this whole thing.
(I’m just putting this here, the rest of the post delves into some religious stuff so if you would prefer not to read that, consider this your warning.)
The big thing about the book is that there is a battle going on in your mind, Satan can control you so easily by controlling your thoughts, so it’s a war. You and God against Satan, you’d think that would be a pretty lopsided battle for God’s side, but the problem is that Satan was able to build some pretty sturdy strongholds before you even realized he was there. At least that’s what happened for me.
So with this happy thinking I was doing last week, I thought that I had figured this thing out and that, while it wouldn’t be perfect, things would go a bit easier for me. I knew that there would still be battles but I was sure it wouldn’t be too big of an issue. One of the big things that changed last week is I really started praying. Prayer has been a huge issue in my life, it’s just not something I ever did, not having been a Christian till I was in my mid twenties. (Let me clarify here, I was christian, small c, I knew some of the stories, I went to church as a child but there was no walking in the path of Christ or making it your lifestyle, it was just something you did, got a pat on the head and forgot about it till the next Sunday). So with this prayer I was seeing some big strides forward.
I’ve also been working on memorizing scripture. Another thing that I was lacksadaisy on. It just wasn’t important to me, but I know at least 10 of the major Shakespearean monologues by heart. So now I’ve made it important. Since this is a battle, I need weapons, and the best weapons for the mind is the Word and how can I fight if I don’t know the Word. That’s been a struggle, I have a good memory, but for some reason, the words don’t stick as well as Shakespear (go figure).
Last night, as I was walking to the bus from work, I was trying to run one of the passages in my head (Deut 1:6-8), and my mind started to wander and it settled on an embarrassing moment from my past. I started to feel shame, I started to feel guilt, I could even feel myself blushing.
Then I stopped. This was a moment from about 10 years ago. The people involved probably didn’t even remember, or if they did, then when they brought it up I could apologize, if I ever see them again. I couldn’t change the past, all I could do was ask God’s forgiveness for my behaviour, which I’ve already done. The shame wasn’t my feelings, it was something else trying to bring me down.
So I decided I needed to have a little chat with Satan. I told him that I had found a new landlord for my brain and my heart. I wasn’t a very good one, so I was demoting myself to superintendant. With God’s help I’d been able to find the bad tenants, and guess what, he was one of them. This was his eviction notice, he wasn’t getting any time to find a new place, or pack, he was just getting OUT!
I told him I wasn’t going to let him get me with these thoughts any more, I wasn’t playing his game. This was God’s house now and there wasn’t any room for him. I then sent a prayer up to God asking for him to help me in the battle to come, because I knew I’d just opened a can of worms and that things were going to get tough.
Almost immediately after that I started to get a headache. Then I couldn’t focus on the book I was reading. My mind wandered to a lot of different places in my life, including some flashbacks of my abuse, and every time I talked to God and ignored the thoughts. Then my bus missed my stop, I missed my connecting bus at the terminal, my husband was on the phone so I couldn’t talk to him, and my hip was hurting as I walked home from the other bus that drops me off further away.
Something was really trying to bring me down, but I didn’t let it.
Every time I started to feel upset, I sent up a prayer. When I got home I told my husband what was going on and he mentioned he’d seen some changes in the last week too.
By the time I went to bed my headache was gone, I was thinking clearly, and I still felt upbeat.
I may not have won the war, there are probably still quite a few strongholds I need to tear down, but this battle I think I smashed out of the park.
But only with the help of God!