The Good and the BadJanuary 11, 2010 at 1:05 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment
So yesterday was… interesting.
I had a great morning! I was baptized in my church yesterday and it was an incredible experience. My friends and I went out to lunch afterwards and I was on an emotional high! That’s where I’ve been trying to stay all day today because after lunch, everything went bonkers.
See, Mom called me on Saturday wanting to have me come talk to her… I wasn’t available Saturday but said I could come over Sunday after church, which we did. The weird thing was, she said she needed to talk to both C and me, and she never really talks to C. Already I was worried and I told her that on the phone, to which she replied “Don’t be”.
When we got to her place, she sat C and me down at the table with my brother, my Mom and my Mom’s boyfriend on the other side. She had a lovely list on a pad of paper which she read from, and she proceeded to tell me all the ways that I have hurt and insulted her in the last little while. I listened and didn’t interrupt (though C had to stop me a couple of times from saying anything) and then I took her list and tried to go through it to address the areas that she was concerned about.
As I was trying to address them I was told that what I was saying was a bunch of lame excuses and that I was full of it (the last comment coming from my brother). So after two hours of this, I asked where we went from here, what was the plan for resolution, I was told there wasn’t one. They just wanted to get it all out on the table and let me know how they were feeling.
So, C and I asked when we could see them next and we’re going back there next Sunday after church. We’ve been told to process what we’ve been told and come back with anything we feel we need to say, which, if I let myself go, would be a LOT. However, (and I know I don’t talk about religion very much but I think this is very important as a part of me) I’m trying to keep my baptism in mind and to truly do things right. I said in my testimony that I wanted to step away from the pain and anger in my past and move forward as a baptized follower of Christ, and to do that, I can’t throw mud at my Mom… which is REALLY hard as that’s exactly what she did to me.
So going into this meeting on Sunday, I’m trying to bring solutions, not blame, not anger, but ways to move forward to fix our relationship and maybe have things happier in my family. It’s just very hard as one of the issues is my religion. I just know I need to be the bigger person and not have this spiral down into the muck heap where we’re just flinging blame and hurt at each other.
It’s just really hard to get to that point right now when I feel like I’ve been shredded up and spit out.
That’s why I decided to write this here… few enough people read it that I don’t have to worri about the whole Internet knowing my personal stuff.
With any luck things will get better, that’s what I’m praying for anyway.